The Skinny Curvy Conundrum

When Not-At-All-Ample is friends with Not-At-All-Skinny, the world seems like a funny place; albeit only through the rear view mirror. How so? Let me take you through it.

To the one who is Not-At-All-Ample they say:

“Have some more. Don’t be shy. You’re thin. You can afford to eat as much as you please.”

And to the one who is Not-At-All-Skinny they say:

 “See. Look at her! She’d asked for just one roti but I gave her two. And she ate just one. But you? You’d have eaten both....”

Do you see something wrong with those statements?

If you see nothing wrong with either of those statements or you see something wrong with just one of the above statements, then you my friend are someone this post in particular (and this blog in general) are dedicated to.

If you see something wrong with both those statements, then you’re the kind we need more of.

Somehow it became acceptable to call someone fat or thin.

Until, very recently, when the ‘real-girls/women-have-curves’ movement took over and it became fashionable to single out the not so curvy ones! It was (and still is) considered downright rude and insensitive to make fat-girl jokes. 

What happened to the curvy boys and men no one knows. No wait, it’s a beer belly hence it’s fashionable to have one, I guess.

So then it was deemed (presumably) that you, Skinny girl, shall be the focal point of all things size. And focal point literally translates into:

Sympathy (Oh! You poor thing. Mustn’t you put on some weight?),

Condescension (You’re such a weakling),

Envy (I wish I could be as thin as you),

Mockery (Do you pick your stuff from the kids’ section?)

“Hey skinny” you say and quickly cover up saying you meant that in good jest. Yeah. The world is a funny place. Funny, only if you’ve resolved to not let all things this provoke you.

What baffles me is how it doesn’t matter what role genetics or sometimes just good old metabolism had to play. 

And as ironic as it may seem, in the grand scheme of things it matters little who says it. Between you and me, we’ve heard and seen equal number of people along the ‘Ample to Not So Ample’ continuum who’d come to mind right now for having made such remarks.  

Is there a threshold, then, or a safe spot where how much (or little) you weigh is accepted?

I, Skinny, have spoken

I’d started writing this blog as a sign of finally having found the nerve to respond to that one characteristic that had seemed to cloud everything I was – weight! (Or to be more precise, the lack thereof). This meant that until April 2009 I had no outlet to either talk about the things I’d gotten used to people saying (albeit forcibly) or air my views (albeit humorously).

This also translated into something else. For close to 20-odd years, I was made to believe that something was wrong with my physicality. That it was not good enough. And that I was less because of it. It had wreaked havoc with my self-esteem. And I at this point will let you in on one more piece of information: I was oblivious to the damages caused.

Only because no one said it’s nobody’s fault if they’re thin.

Only because no one said it’s alright if you’re thin (well, because you need that permission. Or so it seemed).

It’s taken me a while to understand the quirk of fate behind this line - “Sticks and stones will break my bones; but words will never harm me” – because while the “words” tore me down one jibe at a time, it’s the “bones” that’ve proved how un-frail I really was. The tongue doesn’t have a bone, you see! And I also had to find my tongue her voice – a constructive (not destructive one).

No, this isn’t the point where it’s time for -- Cue. Insert “…and they all lived happily ever after”.

Tragically for the rest of the world (and hardly at all for me), I still continue to be thin. So I have yet to hear the last word on the “you’re so thin”, “you must eat some more” and “why don’t you try gaining some weight” conversation starters of the world that make the “let’s talk about the weather” seem like a preferred option.

…just as I am hoping to someday know what it feels to be envied for a ‘Size Zero’ figure! And at the risk of sounding out rightly shallow, I’ll add that hell yeah, I deserve every right to live through that emotion. I’m after all naturally endowed when it comes to this.

But no, thanks.

A couple of weeks ago I derived inspiration for this post when I read this:

“…I worry for the girls out there who are like I was -- who are suffering from the same self-esteem issues that most teenagers do, and are being told they are ugly not only by their teasing peers, but by adults around them who are crusading for change…”

This is an excerpt from a Huffington Post article titled, “Stop Making the Thin Girl Ugly”

However though it provoked me to think about the baggage I’d been lugging around courtesy my own body structure, it also triggered a string of other thoughts.

“Being thin” is okay (read: un-ugly) when a person has “lost” weight because it is viewed as an achievement/triumph. All hail diet regimes. Ugh! The farce

“Being thin” is okay (read: can be lambasted in the mainstream media) when it’s the fashion industry because they are the perpetrators of a faulty sense of body-image.

Interestingly enough, “being un-thin” (AKA fat/overweight) is also friggin’ okay because the above two arguments have guaranteed there are enough supporters championing for the cause of the un-thin; whether in hushed tones, despair stricken eyes or as diet-regime over-throwers.

It’s the thin girl like me who still stands in the corner somewhere likened to, as pathetic it may sound, a stick meant for dogs.

It’s the thin girl like me who because she is ‘Not So Ample’ has to deal with every body part being sized-up and scruntized as if she was on display in the ‘Hall of Approval’.

Without the blink of an eye.  

But it’s the thin girl like me who owes no allegiance whatsoever to the diet-regimes or the fashion industry who deserves to be respected. At the very least. And may be sometimes be told that she’s alright just the way she is.

O the things people say…

First they irk you. Then they numb you. Then you dumb them.

May be. May be.

I've written about many brief incidents in what I thought was aptly titled: A day in the life of you know who... and even later in a post on Khali and Me

 

While I've found the humour in the irony, there are some one-liners that I've heard so often that I do think they deserve a *cough cough* honourable mention, to say the least! And just in good jest, I've categorized them too. With my thought bubble in italics, So here goes...

Most lame remark: 

Arre you toh must not be eating only. 

Yeah, I live on love and fresh air

Most repeated remark: 

You’re on a diet o’what? 

Yup, I’m that “fat” (no offence) that I need to be on a diet

Most ironic remark: 

From now only you want to maintain your figure haan? 

Stick is a figure you mean?

Most frequently-heard-during-childhood remark: 

What men? You ate anything or just filled your stomach with water? 

I have some more left in the glass. Could I dunk you in it?

Most daft remark: 

You finished eating? You hardly eat. 

I was hungry. I wolfed my meal down. No time to talk about the weather. Hence finished eating. Problem?

Most freely available remark: 

You should eat more. This (referring to my size) is not good. 

I eat. I’m fine thank you. I don’t see the doc as frequently as you, so…

Most bizarre remark: 

You’re lucky – you can find clothes for yourself in the kids section too. 

Pity you – nothing even in the maternity section

Most self-defeating remark: 

You should put on some weight. *turns around speaks to someone else advising them to lose weight* 

*I rest my case* #win

Most paternalistic remark: 

Madam yeh size aapko aayega 

Dude! STOP. I’m skinny..YES. Shrivelled..NO! #ReasonsWhyIHateShopping

Most overrated remark: 

You’ve lost weight! 

Man! Seriously!!  That’s what this blog is all about!

Come to think of it - what would I be posting about if not for these guys! *grin*

A day in the life of U-know-who! ;)

Incident # 1:
Person A: Hey! Nice top. You got it stitched?
Me: Thanxxx. Nope, I've picked it from a store.
Person A: Ooh! And U've really lost weight!!!
Me: *here we go again* I actually wonder if there is any more weight for me to lose!?!


Incident # 2:
Long lost relative A: Hi! How are U doing?
Me: Hey!! I'm doing good. How have U been?
Long lost relative A: I'm fine. So U have a pretty hectic schedule, eh?
Me: *not knowing where this convo is leading* Yheaaa...kinda.....
Long lost relative A: Hmm. And U've lost weight!
Me: *stopping self from rolling my eyes out* Huh? Did I have any to lose in the first place?
Long lost relative B: No! No!! She looks much better than the last time.
Me: *confused as ever*


Incident # 3:
Colleague A: Tell me one thing...how do U lose weight?
Me: *slightly startled but just smiles*
Colleague B: Take tension and U will lose weight
Me: *still smiling*
Colleague A: Arrey i put on more weight when i'm tensed
Me: *binge eater*
Colleague C: We (referring to Colleague A) will put on weight when we are under stress and she (referring to me) will lose weight when under stress!
Me: Trying wearing loose clothes :P

The familiar trap

I am in the process of making my peace with almost everything around me...foremost among them being how i am generally greeted by people when i appear on their radar.

And this is how it goes:

Me: "Heyyy...."

Person on whose radar i have just showed up: "You have lost weight"

Me: *why not hey me back instead*

Of course i cannot understand when, where and how i began losing weight when this is all i have ever been.

And "You have lost weight" is all i have ever heard!

Another interesting thing about this "You have lost weight" statement is that it could be followed by any punctuation mark - full stop [.] , exclamation mark [!], question mark [?], or even a series of three dots [...] - and the facial reactions, the intended and actual impact created are still the same...

This whole bit gets turned on its head, when i go 'people watching'!!!

Pardon me, but i simply can't help but notice when people i either know or do not know appear s(t)ickly thin. I actually think to myself, 'Boii, aint i doing so much better for myself!'

Hell yhea..i even wince to myself the moment after i have entertained that thought 'cuz i find myself falling into a rather familiar trap.

Solution: I bite my tongue hard enough not to say it to a person's face that they have in fact lost weight -- or for that matter gained weight -- and it makes my conscience feel good.

At the end of the day, i am of the opinion that it is demeaning to anybody's self esteem to have 'other' people pass comments on their body type...

P.S.: If U hear me saying that i can never tell whether a person has lost or gained weight, U know why! ;)

Introducing 'The Skinny Genus'

Size (who-the-hell-gives-a-damn-anymore, right?) has been done to death with. And yet for someone who has merely been observing from the sidelines, it's just a new beginning - the beginning of a blog. Scan through all the possible media around and one begins to realise that my first sentence has already been proved redundant. Our OCD with "size" is going nowhere!

My heart, however, goes out to all those poor souls out there who have been reduced to mere guinea pigs with different weight loss regimes. Even the word regime has such a sinister ring to it. Think Nazi Regime. Think Saddam Regime.

OK, i have digressed but i am sure my point has been made!

Anyway this blog is not to empathise or sympathise with those who when they appreciate food don't have to do so in words...their body language literally spells it all out to you! ;) And while the grass does look greener on the other side for those of U conscripted into a mad world that's doing business making your bones brittle, your skin pallid, your self esteem abhorrent...i'd just say welcome to my world!

I am here representing The Skinny Genus. The ones wrongfully maligned and diagnosed to have 'anorexia nervosa' - which is a disorder for heavens sake. BAH! So, what i will be chronicling are the insiders take of 'the naturally not so amply endowed ilk'. My ilk. We are just thin and there are no two ways about that.

And like those proficient in the field of writing (to which i can hardly claim allegiance to), i'd say: Watch this space for more! :P