I have since a while now fancied myself getting a tattoo and I realize
that more than the thought of the tattoo itself, the thrill is around what this
tattoo should be – should it be a wise line in an ancient language in its own
script or should it be a cryptic symbol that represents an aspect of my
personality? As I keep dilly-dallying, I remember once having come across a
symbol for ‘Strength’ in the Chinese script.
Strength.
Besides it seeming to be a rather simple image to have etched on my
skin (read: lesser pain), I think I have been fascinated by the word itself.
Strength. Being strong.
If you’ve been following this blog on being ‘Not So Ample’ you will
realize that I’ve brought up the innumerable references to my skinny frame by
everyone I’ve known and met and how that has immediately demoted me to a frail,
lesser being almost – only because I haven’t ever been ampler, larger, bigger.
Size.
Weird, misplaced fixations.
And all the while – all throughout childhood, early adulthood till this
point - I’ve rather consciously tried to search for something else to centre my
notion of strength around. I guess that’s where my fixation with the word and
everything it means might actually stem from!
To my mind there had to be more to strength than just the physical
aspect. Don’t get me wrong – biceps, abs, 4 and 6 packs, triceps, calves et al are
impressive and sexy! I had my own stint at the gym a couple of years ago and
loved the shape I got into. I agree that being in shape does wonders to your sense of self-esteem
for sure because for a while thereafter I couldn’t care anymore about people
making any remarks about my skinny frame well because skinny had some shape and
could also flex a muscle or two!
Now of course lethargy and laziness have completely taken over and
despite that niggling voice in my head to get back to training I seem to be an
absolute disappointment. Nothing. Nothing seems to get me to get back to some
discipline – not even the thought that I can have those flat abs once again!
*sigh*
Being a woman – yeah, I’m bringing in a gender perspective – physical strength
isn’t quite expected out of you. I mean that. Even during that short stint at
training at the gym, I once had a middle aged woman (aka the local
neighbourhood aunty) express disdain at me flexing that lone single muscle.
“As
a girl, you shouldn’t be muscular”, she said to my face. Like I said, I had
already surrendered to the I-couldn’t-care-less mantra.
And yes there is a blind eye approach to the biology of a woman that
actually proves the physical strength of women – think child birth if nothing
else and you have to ask yourself why women are referred to the weaker sex. Answers
anyone?
Still moving to another realm is that of emotional strength.
Softer aspect. I know. I hear the sniggers. Can it even be considered
as strength?
I had come across this line a while ago and it appealed to me: "Strength
is nothing more than how well you hide the pain"
Well, what else would you attribute society’s outlook that men aren’t supposed
to cry to? Or lately a statement like ‘big girls don’t cry’? Or that ‘strong is
the new beautiful’?
For the longest time I have upheld these myself. Not only
did I think and believe but also imbibed these through my own disposition and
actions.
Being strong was a good thing.
And I had to prove that I was strong.
I pushed my own limits. I couldn’t think of looking back.
And I didn’t.
For quite a long time.
Somewhere I was also beginning to realize that being strong almost necessitated
that one is emotionally void and therefore capable of demonstrating strength!
Really?
So is every notion of strength – physical, biological, emotional,
spiritual (for those who believe in an external being) – actually quite skewed, then?
Not quite. Not if you acknowledge and accept that the above is a uni-dimensional
force-fitted view towards whatever it is that we think comprises of strength.
And this is what I set out to discover by myself.
What did I find?
I’ll share that in my next post… But I’m curious to know what your
experiences have been around “being strong” – What according to you is strength?
What roadblocks did you overcome (if any)?
How has your own mind-set changed if
at all?
Oh! And should I really get that tattoo now?
