I’d started writing this blog as a sign of finally having found the
nerve to respond to that one characteristic that had seemed to cloud everything
I was – weight! (Or to be more precise, the lack thereof). This meant that
until April 2009 I had no outlet to either talk about the things I’d gotten
used to people saying (albeit forcibly) or air my views (albeit humorously).
This also translated into something else. For close to 20-odd years, I
was made to believe that something was wrong with my physicality. That it was
not good enough. And that I was less because of it. It had wreaked havoc with my
self-esteem. And I at this point will let you in on one more piece of
information: I was oblivious to the damages caused.
Only because no one said it’s nobody’s fault if they’re thin.
Only because no one said it’s alright if you’re thin (well, because
you need that permission. Or so it seemed).
It’s taken me a while to understand the quirk of fate behind this line
- “Sticks and stones will break my bones; but words will never harm me” – because
while the “words” tore me down one jibe at a time, it’s the “bones” that’ve
proved how un-frail I really was. The tongue doesn’t have a bone, you see! And I
also had to find my tongue her voice – a constructive (not destructive one).
No, this isn’t the point where it’s time for -- Cue. Insert “…and they
all lived happily ever after”.
Tragically for the rest of the world (and hardly at all for me), I
still continue to be thin. So I have yet to hear the last word on the “you’re
so thin”, “you must eat some more” and “why don’t you try gaining some weight”
conversation starters of the world that make the “let’s talk about the weather”
seem like a preferred option.
…just as I am hoping to someday know what it feels to be envied for a ‘Size
Zero’ figure! And at the risk of sounding out rightly shallow, I’ll add that hell
yeah, I deserve every right to live through that emotion. I’m after all
naturally endowed when it comes to this.
But no, thanks.
A couple of weeks ago I derived inspiration for this post when I read
this:
“…I worry for the girls out there who are like I was -- who are
suffering from the same self-esteem issues that most teenagers do, and are
being told they are ugly not only by their teasing peers, but by adults around
them who are crusading for change…”
This is an excerpt from a Huffington Post article titled, “Stop Making the Thin Girl Ugly”
However though it provoked me to think about the baggage I’d been
lugging around courtesy my own body structure, it also triggered a string of
other thoughts.
“Being thin” is okay (read: un-ugly) when a person has “lost” weight because
it is viewed as an achievement/triumph. All hail diet regimes. Ugh! The farce
“Being thin” is okay (read: can be lambasted in the mainstream media)
when it’s the fashion industry because they are the perpetrators of a faulty
sense of body-image.
Interestingly enough, “being un-thin” (AKA fat/overweight) is also
friggin’ okay because the above two arguments have guaranteed there are enough
supporters championing for the cause of the un-thin; whether in hushed tones,
despair stricken eyes or as diet-regime over-throwers.
It’s the thin girl like me who still stands in the corner somewhere
likened to, as pathetic it may sound, a stick meant for dogs.
It’s the thin girl like me who because she is ‘Not So Ample’ has to
deal with every body part being sized-up and scruntized as if she was on
display in the ‘Hall of Approval’.
Without the blink of an eye.
But it’s the thin girl like me who owes no allegiance whatsoever to
the diet-regimes or the fashion industry who deserves to be respected. At the
very least. And may be sometimes be told that she’s alright just the way she
is.
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